Dharma and Karma

 

He appeared to be hale and hearty, though looking a bit old. Might be even in his nineties.

He was having his meal in the restaurant in a very relaxed manner.

I took the seat opposite to him which was vacant.

It was '#Onam feast' in the restaurant. Since my family was away, I had decided to enjoy the feast in the restaurant. The ambience was quite, with a light music at the back ground. Families were sitting around and enjoying themselves. Communities have shifted from the dwelling places to restaurants, I thought.

As the server put the leaf before me and I started sprinkling the water and cleaning it up for the serving to start, he was looking at me with a twinkle in his eyes. Smiling eyes.

I smiled back. Had a feeling of having known him for a long time.

“New to this place?”, I asked.

“No I come now and then”, he said.

“Have we met earlier?”

“Might be”.

“Where do you come from?”

“I was there in the north. Shifted down south with my family, long ago. Now keep going places, seeing people and enjoying”.

“Nice that at your age, you are able to move around alone”.

“Loneliness is a state of mind. When people are there around, nature is there communicating to us various things always, where is loneliness? Sometimes people even when surrounded by their kith and kin are lost in their own reveries, personal ambitions and cut off from others. Only they are lonely”.

The server had started putting various items on the leaf and I had started savoring one by one.

I was reminded of people being caught up within their mobile web, even when travelling in crowded busses or trains. There was a time when travelling was to see various places, watch people, etc. Might be the old gentleman belonged to that genre.

“Where do you stay?” I asked.

“Earlier we had settled in the north. But later moved down south”.

“Why?”.

“It is a repetition in history. When someone comes and wants to stay in a part of your land, you allow it by grace, then they slowly take over the entire place and you will be forced to move out”.

“Yes I remember #Tagore’s poem somewhere on these lines I said”.

“Which poem?” he asked.

I tried to recollect. “It starts somewhat like this, ‘they came in the morning and said that they will stay in a corner’

“He slowly started reciting the entire poem:

‘When it was day they came into my house and said, “We shall only take the smallest room here.”

They said, “We shall help you in the worship of your God and humbly accept only our own share of his grace”; and then they took their seat in a corner and they sat quiet and meek.

But in the darkness of night I find they break into my sacred shine, strong and turbulent, and snatch with unholy greed the offerings from God’s altar.’

I think you meant that poem in #Githanjali”, he said.

I was quite beside myself. Not only about his memory, but the grace with which he rendered those lines. As if Tagore himself had presented before me.

“Amazing that you remember those lines so accurately” I said.

“Once someone has realized, then it is difficult to forget” he said. There was a bit of sorrow in his voice, or I thought so.

“It is the same law, whether inner or the outer”, he said.

“I do not quite get it”.

“One has to be guarded as to whom he is letting in. If they are of good merit, they will enrich you by making you stronger and remain with you. If they are inimical forces, they will slowly occupy the entire space and kick you out or the better elements, and completely subjugate you, in the long run”.

“This is a perpetual conflict between the inner forces as well as various races”, I said.

“Yes. It is a yin yang game. The victors always write the history. But truth always has the knack of coming back”.

“But how did you get caught in such a game?”.

“The lad who came and sought a quarter of our land looked very meek, mild and amiable. But we saw his real self only after he was let in. Slowly he grabbed all our possessions and sent us south. Only I could get a lien to go back to our ancestral place, once in a while”.

“Oh. Pitiable. Then how did you find a new place?”.

“Actually, our entire clan moved down south. Then one of the decedents of that lad taking pity on our plight, showed us a new landscape in the forests. It had not been inhabited by humans so far and was therefore rich. It was rather full of snakes. Only we had to toil a bit to make it ‘God’s own country’ ”.

Actually, I had forgotten to savour the delicious and varieties of food. I was just taking them mechanically. Had got glued to his narration. Now and then the server would come and keep on filling something or the other on our leaves.

“I am reminded about the #Vamana avathara and #Mahabali”, I said.

He kept on looking deep into my eyes for some time. Either he had moisture in his eyes, or I at least though so.

“Do you know how much that young lad’s descendants had to suffer?” he asked.

“Which lad?”

“That vamana”.

“Who were his descendants?”.

“Oh all the avatars that came later”.

“You mean #Parasurama, #Rama and #Krishna?”.

“Yes yes. One had to behead his own mother, at the command of his father. He conquered all the kings, but could never reign and could not get peace and left to the forest. Then Rama, was sent to the forests by his own father’s vow, his wife was stolen away, even after getting her back, he never had peace of mind, sent her heavy with his own children to the forests and went down himself into the sarayu. Krishna, right at the moment of birth was separated from his mother, was hunted by his maternal uncle right from his boyhood, even after killing his tormentor could not reign. His best friends, the valiant pandavas also were exiled and after the bloody war to reclaim a land which neither belonged to them legitimately nor to their cousins, nothing survived. Nothing survived - neither dharma nor artha, only the stench of kama was left there with the blood that was let in the battle. Krishna himself had a lonely death. A fatal arrow pierced his feet. Remember that with a feet his ancestor had taken over an entire kingdom earlier”.

I was lost completely. Never ever thought that #karma could have caught up even with avatars.

Then after summoning some energy, I asked him, “when avatars or godheads do something for the wellbeing of others, how does karma catch up?”.

He smiled.

“#Dharma and #karma are two faces of the same coin. It works in the same way for everyone. Its value would increase or decrease depending upon the person who uses it and the occasion”.

Now, I was a bit baffled. How could a coin have different value depending upon the person and occasion? He perhaps read my mind.

“See, when your loved ones gift you something, you attach greater value to it. Hard earned money is worthier than something got by deceit or by chance. Then when you get something when you are in dire need, it is of the greatest value. Money in the coffers without any spending is an utter waste and has no value”.

Oh, how I had overlooked such a fundamental economic principle, I felt. I was a bit ashamed of my earlier doubt.

“#Manushyas, #Asuras and #Devas were all born out of the same #Kashyapa, as per our own puranas. Why only they, everything that is alive, including birds and animals".

What nonsense, I thought.

“Because, Kashyapa himself was born out of the mind of Brahma”, he continued.

“All of us are essentially mental beings. What we wanted to be, we are and what we want to be, we become”.

Now that was a bit rich. I could not gather.

“Have you read the book, ‘Phantoms in the Brain by #V.S.Ramachandran’?”.

“No”, I muttered.

“He has demonstrated what #Shankara proclaimed a thousand years ago ‘Body is the creation of the mind’”.

“The same Shankara also has said, Asuras, Manushyas and Devas are all only humans and it denotes only their different tendencies”.

“I am reminded about reading somewhere that Socrates said that people with a lot of avariciousness for wealth will get reborn as mules or such animals and those who torment others will get born as eagles, kites, etc”.

“Yes, exactly”, he said. “Also the animals in the #Panchatantra, do you think are animals speaking and thinking? They are animals in human form”.

“It is quite an unending cycle, then”, I said.

“Yes. We are all caught up in this web. Action creates opposite reactions and the yin yang continues”.

“Is it a misery or a game?”.

“It will depend upon our station in life. For some it is a misery. Some take it in their stride. Some who are favourably placed get drowned in the mirth. Some alone are gifted with the possibility to contemplate”.

“But when the law of karma is so inexorable, what worth is there in contemplation?”, I ventured.

“There is a story in the #Upanishads. The Asuras, Devas and Manushyas went to their #Guru and asked for upadesha to contemplate and meditate upon. He separately told each of them secretly a letter and asked them to come back if they have found the key. Later each of them came back and told him they have found the key. What was that, he asked. The Deva said, ‘you told me ‘#Dha’, which means #Dhamana. I have to be self-controlled. Yes, said the Guru. When you get power in your hands, you should use it with wisdom and restrain. Asura came and said he was also told ‘Dha’ but he understood that as ‘#Dhaya’. True said the Guru. Your asuric or demonic form is due to your mercilessness and anger. Its remedy lies in being merciful to all beings. Then came the manushya. He was in doubt. He said, ‘Guru, you had told me also ‘Dha’, but I thought it is ‘#Dhana’. Yes, said the Guru. By habit, you want to amass wealth. You are the only one among all living beings who hoards wealth, whether you need it or not. You create an imbalance in the entire nature’s law, which is to flow. So your salvation lies in creating a tendency to give away what you possess. Ever remember that you are not the owner of anything on this earth. You are only the custodian. You are to only pass it on. The river loses its virility if it stays in one place. So does wealth.”

I had finished my lunch. The bill was on my table. I had been completely lost.

“Then the Guru told his disciples. It is not enough if you have got the key. Now you have to enter. Practice it”.

I felt as if a rishi was coming and sitting before me in the modern attire.

He completed his meal, went and washed his hands and came back to bid me good bye.

“How do we come out of this web?”, I asked.

“See the goat or a cow tied to a tree with a rope? It keeps grazing, lying and waiting. If you go round and round the tree, grazing and doing whatever is possible, the rope may snap due to your effort or by the wear and tear. Or if you are able, you can break yourself free. Then you need not be bothered about the butcher”, he said with a twinkle in his eyes and left.

I went and washed my hands, came back, paid my bill and asked the waiter, “What about his bill. I shall pay that also”.

“He is our owner sir”, he said. He keeps dropping in once in a while.

“Where does he live?”.

‘We do not know’ said the waiter.

 

 

 

Rs. 17,48,52,00,00,00,000

 

‘Hindi’ has been substituted with ‘Third language’ and therefore there cannot be any objection for a three language formula, all over India.  This is the argument of the day.  But the above picture itself would show that it is not that any Indian language could be the third language, but what is chosen by the respective state/UT Governments.

The counter that has been posed from those opposed to it is whether children in North India really learn three languages, or even two, with English as the mandatory second.

It has also been pointed out that even in the KVs of Tamil Nadu, the posts of teachers of Tamil have not been filled up.  

There is another argument that learning more languages is beneficial to a child’s cognitive abilities.

To the best of my knowledge, educationists world over prescribe primary education in one’s mother tongue as the best.

Now, for higher education, without doubt English is essential, not because it was the language of our former rulers, but because, it contains a sea of information on whether science or humanities.  To those who want to bring the information to their native languages, it will take much more time and if with the advent of AI, etc, it is going to be much easier, then the barrier for that also is broken and one requires learning only one’s mother tongue for higher learning also. Thus, for this reason also, the need for a third language fails.

Next comes the need to know spoken language of different places when working in those places.

Those who have gone into the Northern parts of India would have experienced the animosity towards those who do not speak Hindi. 

I have felt this, even when I was representing them and fighting for their cause.  Then what happens if your are at their mercy, working for them or being paid by them?

Yes, in all such situations, people have been learning that language for their livelihood, just like North Indian migrants now learn the local languages wherever they are working.

In this regard, we see people of different places easily learning the language of the place where they work, even when they do not have formal education in that language.  For that matter, spoken language has hardly anything to do with the written literature of various languages.

“I ask you, Sir are we going to have this Constitution only for ourselves and our lives ? What about our children and the generations to come ? Are they not to follow this ? I am speaking from my own personal experience. I learnt Hindi, I taught Hindi to some hundreds of women at least, in the South. My experience is this : Those who have passed the highest examinations in Hindi can read and write, but it is impossible for them to speak, because for speaking there must be some kind of environment, some kind of atmosphere. In the South, where do we find this atmosphere? Nowhere in the South have we opportunities of speaking what we have learnt. You will only realise this difficulty when you come to the South and you have to speak one of the provincial languages there. Therefore, be patient and cultivate the spirit of accommodation and tolerance. This is the thing that we ask of you to show to us”. That was Shrimati G Durgabai (Madras: General) speaking in the Constituent Assembly debates on 14^th September 1949.

Still, if we insist that a third language should be there for unity sake, then I would like to work out the cost of imparting that ‘third language’.

Total number of regional languages as per 8th Schedule : 22

Total number of regional language teachers who will have to be employed per school if third language is to be any regional language (At the rate of 3 per school which is a very minimum with atleast one for primary, one for pre-secondary and one for secondary in each school)  : 66

Total number of Schools in India in 2024 as per the UDISE Report of Government of India, 2023-34 (https://www.education.gov.in/sites/upload_files/mhrd/files/statistics-new/udise_report_existing_23_24.pdf )  : 1,47,18,911

Total number of additional teachers that will be required to teach all regional languages as third language (@66 per school): Rs.97.14 Crores

Salary for the above additional teachers @Rs. 15,000 per month : Rs. 14,57,100 Crores

Salary for the above additional teachers per year: Rs. 1,74,85,200 Crores

Now Compare the above with the two figures below:

Total number of teachers in 2024 as per UDISE Report of Government of India, 2023-34 (https://www.education.gov.in/sites/upload_files/mhrd/files/statistics-new/udise_report_existing_23_24.pdf )  : 98,07,600

The total expenditure in India's Union Budget for 2025-26 (Estimate) : Rs.50.65 lakh crore

Thus, it becomes apparent that the euphemism of ‘third language’ is not a real feasibility and what could actually happen is only imparting ‘Hindi’ as a third language in non-Hindi speaking areas – which will be only an imposition, when done without the consent of the respective State Governments and the people.  

It should be left to the option of the respective states to take a call. And release of funds for education should not certainly be linked to that, when the matter is in the Concurrent list.

Thirunavaya temple and Nammalvar pasurams

Thirunavaya Temple, Kerala

When I posted some photos taken during my visit to Thirunavaya temple on the face book, there was a discussion regarding whether it was one of the 108 divya desams.  One friend clarified that it is so and also that Nammalvar had sung 11 pasurams on the deity of the temple Nava Mukunda.  

Nammalvar is my most favorite Azhvar.  He is according to me a great advaity among the Azhvars. His verse is carried on the lay out of this blog.  The verse is an example of his secular outlook. 

For the sake of others who may not be able to search for the pasurams I thought I should extract it below with the English meanings. (The verse numbers differ in some publications though)

 

3750.   

அறுக்கும் வினையாயின*  ஆகத்து அவனை* 

நிறுத்தும் மனத்துஒன்றிய*  சிந்தையினார்க்கு*

வெறித்தண்மலர்ச் சோலைகள்சூழ்*  திருநாவாய்* 

குறுக்கும்வகை உண்டுகொலோ*  கொடியேற்கே?  

If devotees keep the lord in their minds and think only of him their karma will go away. When will the day come when I, so unworthy, can approach Thirunavay, surrounded by fragrant cool blooming groves.

3751.   

கொடிஏர்இடைக்*  கோகனகத்தவள் கேள்வன்* 

வடிவேல் தடம்கண்*  மடப்பின்னை மணாளன்*

நெடியான்உறை சோலைகள்சூழ்*  திருநாவாய்*  

அடியேன் அணுகப்பெறும்நாள்*  எவைகொலோ!

 

He is the beloved of Lakshmi staying on a lotus, her waist as thin as a vine, and the beloved of lovely Nappinnai with large sharp spear-like eyes. When will I, his slave, approach Thirunāvāy where the lord Nediyān stays, surrounded by groves?

3752.   

எவைகொல் அணுகப் பெறும்நாள்?'*  என்று எப்போதும்* 

கவையில் மனம்இன்றி*  கண்ணீர்கள் கலுழ்வன்* 

நவைஇல் திருநாரணன்சேர்*  திருநாவாய்*  

அவையுள் புகலாவதுஓர்*  நாள் அறியேனே

I think always in my faultless mind, “When will the day come that I go to the god?”
and I shed tears and suffer. I don’t know when I will go to the faultless divine Naraṇan of Thirunāvāy.

 3753.   

நாளேல் அறியேன்*  எனக்குஉள்ளன*  நானும் 

மீளா அடிமைப்*  பணி செய்யப் புகுந்தேன்*

நீள்ஆர்மலர்ச் சோலைகள்சூழ்*  திருநாவாய்* 

வாள்ஏய் தடம்கண்*  மடப்பின்னை மணாளா!

O god, you are the beloved of lovely Nappinnai with large sword-like eyes and you stay in Thirunāvāy surrounded by tall blooming groves. I have begun to serve you and do not want to leave you. I don’t know how long my life will last.


3754.   

மணாளன் மலர்மங்கைக்கும்*  மண் மடந்தைக்கும்* 

கண்ணாளன் உலகத்துஉயிர்*  தேவர்கட்குஎல்லாம்*

விண்ணாளன் விரும்பிஉறையும்*  திருநாவாய்* 

கண்ஆரக் களிக்கின்றது*  இங்குஎன்று கொல்கண்டே?  

 

He is the beloved of Lakshmi, he is as precious as her eyes to the earth goddess, and he is the soul of all the creatures of the world and the god of the gods in the sky. When will the day come that I can go to him who loves to stay in Thirunāvāy
and my eyes can have the joy of seeing him?

3755.   

கண்டே களிக்கின்றது*  இங்குஎன்று கொல்கண்கள்* 

தொண்டேஉனக்காய் ஒழிந்தேன்*  துரிசுஇன்றி*

வண்டுஆர்மலர்ச் சோலைகள்சூழ்*  திருநாவாய்*  

கொண்டே உறைகின்ற*  எம்கோவலர்கோவே!

I have became a faultless devotee to serve you and my eyes see you here and are happy. You, the lord of the cowherds, stay in Thirunāvāy surrounded with blooming groves where the bees sing.

3756.   

கோவாகிய*  மாவலியை நிலம்கொண்டாய்* 

தேவாசுரம் செற்றவனே!*  திருமாலே*

நாவாய்உறைகின்ற*  என்நாரணநம்பீ* 

'ஆஆ அடியான்*  இவன் என்று அருளாயே. 

As a dwarf you took the land from king Mahābali, and you destroyed the Asurans when the gods fought them. O Thirumāl, Nambi Narayaṇan of Thirunāvāy,
come to me, give me your grace and say, “This is my devotee!”

3757.   

அருளாது ஒழிவாய்*  அருள்செய்து*  அடியேனைப் 

பொருளாக்கி*  உன்பொன்அடிக்கீழ்ப் புகவைப்பாய்*

மருளேஇன்றி*  உன்னை என்நெஞ்சத்துஇருத்தும்* 

தெருளேதரு*  தென்திருநாவாய் என்தேவே!  

 

Whether you give me your grace or not, make me your devotee and let me stay beneath your golden feet. Give me a clear mind so I may keep you in my heart and not be confused, O my god of Thirunāvāy.

3758.   

தேவர் முனிவர்க்குஎன்றும்*  காண்டற்குஅரியன்* 

மூவர் முதல்வன்*  ஒருமூவுலகுஆளி*

தேவன் விரும்பிஉறையும்*  திருநாவாய்* 

யாவர் அணுகப்பெறுவார்*  இனிஅந்தோ!

The gods and the sages could not see the ancient one of the three gods and ruler of all the three worlds. Thirunāvāy is where he loves to stay— how can we go and see the god? It is a pity!

3759.   

அந்தோ! அணுகப்பெறும்நாள்*  என்றுஎப்போதும்*  

சிந்தை கலங்கித்*  திருமால் என்றுஅழைப்பன்*

கொந்துஆர்மலர்ச் சோலைகள்சூழ்*  திருநாவாய்* 

வந்தே உறைகின்ற*  எம்மா மணிவண்ணா!.

I suffer in my mind and call you, saying, “O Thirumāl!” and I ask you when the day will come that I can come to you who have the color of a beautiful dark jewel and stay in Thirunāvāy where the groves bloom with bunches of flowers.

3760.   

வண்ணம் மணிமாட*  நல்நாவாய் உள்ளானைத்*  

திண்ணம் மதிள்*  தென்குருகூர்ச் சடகோபன்* 

பண்ணார் தமிழ்*  ஆயிரத்து இப்பத்தும்வல்லார்*  

மண்ணாண்டு*  மணம்கமழ்வர் மல்லிகையே.  

 

Saḍagopan of flourishing southern Thirukuruhur filled with palaces studded with precious jewels and surrounded by strong walls composed a thousand musical Tamil pāsurams. If devotees learn and recite these ten poems they will rule the earth for many years and their fame will spread like the fragrance of jasmine.

 

(Source:

For Thamizh original verses: http://tamilvedham.net/index.php?r=site/thivyadesam&username=&thivyadesam_id=76

For the English translation: https://www.projectmadurai.org/pm_etexts/utf8/pmuni0624_eng.html )

    

PUBLIC INTEREST – A SCIENCE FICTION

 

We had reached the railway station well in advance. 

It was raining cats and dogs, and was cold in the night.

The station was full, with families huddled up, with bag and baggage waiting for their trains.  There were people rushing in at the last moment.  They obviously had been caught in the traffic outside, due to rains.

But we were comfortably well in advance.  I and my son had a cup of hot tea.  We kept starring at the board for the announcement of the platform of the train.

My son scrolled in his mobile for the coach position so that we could go to the appropriate spot on the platform.  There were more than 12 platforms and very lengthy ones.  So to reach the correct spot on the correct platform, with such a big crowd would be difficult.

But I told him that until the platform is announced, there is no point in knowing the coach position.  Platforms could undergo a change at the last moment if some VIP train is to pull up the platform scheduled for us, or if another train expected to leave the platform has not left. 

Then again, even the coach positions shown on the website may undergo a change at the last moment.  Even in stations where the trains stop only for 2 or 3 minutes, I have seen people running from one end of the platform to the other end, with loads of their belongings and children, because the coach positions were not as per announcement. 

At least we had an advantage. Our station was the terminus.  There will be a lot of time for us to board the train.

So I asked him to keep cool and wait for the announcement of the platform first.

He was not very much convinced.  He gave me a look of disapproval.  ‘Old man, never changes’, was evident from his mocking glare.

There was a delay of more than 2 hours for our train to arrive.  Rains had not stopped.  Obviously that would also be a reason for the late arrival.  Other trains were also getting delayed.  Their departure also. Perhaps the sympathetic department, to help those who could have been stuck up in traffic, obviously were waiting a bit.

By mid night our train was announced.  There was a mad rush towards the platform.  The platform was already full with passengers waiting there for some other train which had also been scheduled there.  Then passengers getting out of the incoming train were in a hurry to get out.   They were already late.  They had to get some transport to get home.  Some of their relatives had also come to the platform.  Porters were running here and there, trying to get some clients, older the better.  

We managed to wade through the crowd and find our compartment.  The third class A/C compartment was almost half a kilometer from the engine. 

There used to be charts stuck up on the side of the compartments earlier. We could check our seats and confirm.  There used to be a chart at the entrance also. But times have changed. We were moving into a paperless world. There was no chart, nor did we have the patience. We should get in and try to get some sleep.

After we got in and took our seats, within two minutes a family came and said that the seats and berths were reserved by them.  We cross verified, both our booking details showed the same coach number and seat numbers.

I asked my son to check whether there was a difference in the train number and date. Sometimes while booking, we forget the railway time.  But that happens only in the case of trains starting in the early morning.  Since this was a night train, such a mistake could not have happened due to time and date.

But on verification of the bookings it was clear that two seats had been allotted to both parties. 

We waited for the TTE with bated breath.  The family was also puzzled.  They had a child and an old lady also.  Any change would be of great inconvenience to them.  I an my son at least could get down and change the compartment.  So we asked them to occupy the seats and waited.

The TTE came just before the train was to start.  We went up to him and showed our mobiles.  After verifying his tab, he said that our name was not there.  ‘Could he see if we were in any other compartment’, we asked.  He took our PNR and searched and said that it was not there in that train and for that matter, there was no reservation with that PNR.

We were dumbfounded.  The train was about to leave.  We had to get down immediately.  The other family looked at us with great sympathy.  Or was it derision, I do not know.  Can we buy a ticket, now, I asked the TTE.  No, he said.  Any vacancy or cancellation will have to be allotted to RAC candidates.  So no chance.   Pl be quick and get down, he said and moved away.

We got down with our luggage.

The rain has not abated.

The train moved away slowly first and then fast.

I could not look at my son’s face.  He could not even lift his head.

Let us go and check with the staff, I said.

No other option, we moved on to the office.

There was a big crowd around the counter.  Only three people were seated where more than eight or nine are otherwise seated. It was well past mid night.  All the people who had crowded there were shouting at the top of their voices.  The persons inside were saying something.  It was an absolute cacophony.

Somehow I jostled my way to the counter and managed to show the screen shot of the ticket on my mobile and told the lady at the counter our predicament.  I said we had a reservation and payment was also successful. But now the TTE says that we do not have our name in the chart.

“Which train”, she asked.

I replied.

“But the train has left”, she said.

“We came to know only from the train”, I said.

“Won’t you people verify these things, in advance”, she asked in annoyance and browsed through the computer before her.

Then she looked up and said, “your reservation has been cancelled”.

“Cancelled?” I yelled at the top of my voice. “By whom?”.

“The system has cancelled it,” she said. 

“What system? How? For what reason?”, my questions were quick as also my anxiety.

People around me and behind me were getting restless.  They had their own problems to be addressed, urgently. Some were asking us to move away. The lady at the counter was also seen to becoming alarmed on seeing something on the screen.  Then she asked us to go into an adjacent cabin.  “Meet our AGM there and explain.  He will tell you”, she said.

My heart was pounding. I was feeling dizzy and sweating in spite of the heavy rains and cold wind.

My son’s face looked flushed and pathetic.  He did not comprehend what was happening.  He kept scrolling in his mobile to see how the ticket got cancelled.

We slowly entered a cabin nearby.  I was expecting an elderly person.  But the person sitting there appeared to be quite young and agile.  In the age of hair dyes, age of course cannot be gauged by the colour of the hair, I thought, perhaps to satisfy my self.

From his facial expression, I could understand that he was already aware of the issue.  Perhaps the lady at the counter would have briefed him over the intercom.  Yet, he asked us for the details and then started scrolling through the computer before him.  Then he slowly started speaking.

“See, I can understand your problem.  But unfortunately I should inform you that you have been black-listed’.

My heart sank. “Black-listed?”, my voice would hardly come out.  Then after a pause, I feebly asked, “for what?”.  I did not even think of asking by whom.

I could see my son’s face becoming pale, though I was not looking at him.

The gentleman said, “See, it is a system module to profile passengers.  It works based on a data base which is maintained at our Headquarters.  We cannot have access to it.  If you have any complaints, you can register it in our website or send email to our id given in the web site.”. 

“What do you mean by saying if I have any complaints?  You have not even notified me about the cancelation or given me any alternate ticket.  At this odd hour, what do you expect me to do?”.

“Sir, I am helpless.  I understand your condition.  But I cannot do anything at my level”, he said.

I was numb with disbelief.  What on earth is happening, I thought.  I have heard about the word black-listing only in the case of criminals. Never heard in the case of railway bookings.  Never thought that a booking once confirmed will be cancelled by the department. That too without any intimation and left high and dry.

“Can you atleast be able to see the reason for the said black-listing”, I got some courage to ask the gentleman.

He looked confused.  He thought for a moment.  “It might be confidential”, he said.

“But you have to atleast tell me the basis.  There would have been some reason given there”, I said.

“Please meet our GM.  But do not say I asked you to meet him”, he said and showed me another room.

But the GM’s room was not yet opened.  We waited for another two hours.  It had almost become dawn. 

A person entered the office of the GM.  I peeped in.  He called me in and asked what was the issue.  I did not know whether it was his routine time or whether he had come so early because someone had intimated the issue to him.

I entered his room and narrated all that has happened and all that I had been told.

He looked sadly at me.  Then he opened his computer and after taking my PNR he started searching.  There was pin drop silence in the room for quite a few minutes.  My heart was once again pounding without knowing what new thing he is likely to come up with.

An elderly lady came in and served coffee to him.  He asked us whether we wanted coffee or tea.  I was not in a mood to take anything.  Home was waiting for me 600 Kms away.  Sleep and fatigue was weighing upon my eye lids.  More than that, I felt something which I knew not what, had hit me hard on the head that it was in a swirl. I sheepishly said ‘No thank you sir’.  ‘As if that is so important,’ I thought to myself.

He sipped his coffee and kept looking into the computer. 

Was he really looking into it or just passing time, I could not say for sure.

Then, after a lengthy silence, after his coffee had been completely exhausted, he asked me abrubtly, “What did you have to do with one Z---“.  I did not quite get the question.

He repeated the name again.

I faintly remembered the name.  He was one of my customers in my trade.  That was more than two or three years back.  After that he had left to Hyderabad and I had never heard about him or contacted him.  Rather had no need to.

I informed him this detail and asked what my present situation had to do with that.

He said that the said person had been arrested at Ahmedabad and that I was found to be a person having had a relationship with him and therefore I have been put on the list.  “Since this is confidential, even if you tell any one about this, I will deny having told this to you.  So please do not quote me”, he said.  “From your look and appearance, I felt that you are a victim in this, so I have told you.  So please do not precipitate.  That is good for you.”. Saying this, he abruptly got up from his chair as if asking us to leave.

I felt as if my legs could not carry me any longer.  But I had to leave.

My son had not yet understood much of what had happened.

We managed to get hold of a bench and sit there.  The rains had become a mere drizzle.  Day was opening.  The crowds had become thinner.  But I felt as if I was in a dark dungeon. No light would come to my mind.

What had the arrest of some fellow, at some remote part of the country, had to do with my profile and life?

‘Shall we book another ticket?”, asked my son.

I did not have enough strength even to answer him.

After he repeated the question impatiently after some time, I said, ‘no use, they will not give’.

He was perplexed. He did not understand how some data base working in the interest of the public could ruin us, for no fault of ours.

I did not know how to go further.  Will I be able to go by bus atleast?  Will this data base be used in all places? When even by rail I cannot move, whether flights will allow me? Where can I get the answers and remedy? To whom should I prove my innocence?

Or is this all a dream?